METHOD OF COUNSELING DEVOTEES OF LORD KRSNA

By Jagadisha Goswami



                           ULTIMATE GOAL

   I want to show "the person being counseled"* how by becoming Krsna
conscious his difficulty will not exist.

                           Techniques

   I try to help him understand and gain release from the conditioning that
causes him difficulty and to come to his healthy state of identification as
Krsna's servant.

   I try to help him to perceive Krsna in his situation.

   I try to help him uncover the lesson Krsna is teaching, and to see the
beauty of Krsna's plan for him.

   I try to help him better understand that Krsna is his friend and that He
has all along been helping him.

   I try to help him understand his prescribed duties (taking all factors into
consideration) and to help him see that he can best please Krsna by performing
them in spite of the difficulty.

                           Observations

   Even if the circumstances may remain the same, the person can pass beyond
the suffering he has been feeling if behind everything he can see Krsna.

   For the person to understand how Krsna consciousness can solve his problem
completely is usually not as easy as we want it to be. For those who are
already fairly Krsna conscious and intelligent, this will sometimes be
achievable.

                           INTERMEDIATE GOALS

   If I find that I cannot, at first, help the person to overcome by becoming
Krsna conscious the conditioning or attachment that has put him in difficulty,
I want to help him to deal with it in one of or a combination of the following
ways:
(a) by changing his attitude or behavior (self-solution [see explanation under
    observations below]);
(b) by changing his circumstances (possibly self-solution);
(c) by his approaching whatever other persons we think can be involved in
    resolving the situation;
(d) by my approaching personally such persons.

* Throughout I will refer to the person being counseled as "the person" or
"the devotee".

                           Techniques

   I try to continually analyze whether to approach a solution directly by
Krsna consciousness or through one of the alternate steps. If it looks like
the person has the capacity to accept the Krsna conscious solution, I will
even begin from there. If a person does not have the depth and maturity to
accept the Krsna conscious solution, it can waste time and even be
counterproductive to suggest it. If the person cannot make it, I will step
down to the change of attitude and behavior.

  I will suggest reasons why the person would benefit from being more
accepting of his situation from different points of view:
(a) moral (If you act in that way you may cause difficulty for others and get
    undesirable reactions for yourself.);
(b) experience (You will feel more peaceful if you do this [or if you don't do
    that].);
(c) intelligence (In the sense of being clever. Find a more intelligent way to
    deal with the problem than what he had considered.)

  If we reach the point of having to try to change the circumstances, I will
discuss with the person the practical possibilities of changing his schedule,
his service, or even the temple where he stays.

  I find that one must be flexible in considering the practical steps to take
in resolving the persons problems. I give more importance to the preliminary
considerations that lead to a clearer perspective on the situation than to
fixing an exact solution. Since circumstances change frequently, I try to
encourage and help the person to become competent in facing the future
challenges of the situation on his own (even if I assure the person that I
will again help if necessary).

  If, after reaching a conclusion, the person experiences some hesitation, I
will go back over appropriate points of our discussion to remind him how we
arrived at our solution.

  If I see it necessary and practical, I will get involved in helping to
ameliorate the situation (according to my capacity), but as far as possible, I
attempt to help the person find a way that he can assume responsibility for
effecting desired changes such as approaching another person to request some
change of behavior or attitude.

  After we make a plan for him, I wish him well. Then, I remain interested in
his progress. I will inquire from him directly when I see him or through
correspondence, "Did you try?", "Has it worked?", "Tell me about your
progress?" I am prepared to re-discuss if he has any new insights or if the
situation has changed.

                           Observations

   We must recognize our proposed solutions as theoretical until the person
successfully puts them into practice.

  Sometimes we may not find solutions due to the persons inability to grasp
the problem or due to my limitations in understanding or communicating with
him.

  When the person goes away (from the counselor), he usually again (to some
extent) becomes influenced by his conditioning.

  Each successive time I meet the person we can generally begin our discussion
from the point we left off in our last meeting. If we have to go back to the
beginning again, either I haven't communicated well or the person hasn't taken
the matter seriously.

  "Self-solution" means that we do not have to affect or involve others
directly in the solution.

  If others have to be involved in the solution to the problem, we must try to
trust them. This may not be easy if a conflict exists between the two persons.
I try first to encourage the person himself to make the internal changes
necessary to come to the solution.

  When a conflict exists between the person and someone else, I avoid
mediation unless I think it can well serve the situation and I can't find any
other solution. Mediation is not easy, it includes the risk of alienating
someone. At first, if appropriate, I will encourage the devotee to approach
the other directly, offer obeisances, ask to be forgiven for offenses and
improve his way of behaving toward the other person.


                           SUB-GOAL A

   I  want  to make the person being counseled feel at ease by reducing or
eliminating any barriers of mistrust which may exist. I want to establish
rapport in the relationship to the extent that these insecurities don't get in
the way of communication. I want to communicate to the person that I am
sincerely interested in him, that I accept him for who he is, and that I do
not find anything seriously wrong with him.

                           Techniques

  I try to find goodness in all devotees. They have come to Krsna
consciousness of their own volition and they should be considered as great
souls. Beneath the superficial problems we will find something very good. We
should expect to find some lower nature in all but the most advanced devotees,
but we will not find anything seriously wrong. Whatever wrong we find will be
superficial. The deeper reality, he wants to become Krsna's pure devotee.

  Generally I will not directly tell the person that I accept him as a good
person, but will attempt to convey it by more subtle means, like facial
expressions and kind words. If I think it necessary, however, I will directly
say it. This effort should not be artificial.

  I begin the conversation asking questions with sincere interest. Although
the words may seem a little superficial, behind them lies a willingness to go
deeper.

  When asking about things that require judgment from the person, I ask
questions that show trust ("Do you think...?" "Could it be...?"), and then
receive the answer without challenging.

  I avoid using questions that accuse. I try to maintain my willingness to
trust and help the person. I don't like jumping to conclusions, and I don't
want the person to lose confidence in my openness.

  I keep things confidential. Unless some overwhelming ethical consideration
calls for it, I will not disclose the information he tells me to anyone
without his permission.

                           Observations

   The person can have conscious or unconscious barriers of mistrust because
he: doesn't know you, has had previous bad experiences with authorities, had a
rough childhood, had a recent traumatic experience, has some block due to
experiences from a previous life, and so on.

  Progress will go slowly in a counseling session if the person is
psychologically uncomfortable or untrusting.

  Naturally I am detached from the person's problems, but I do not want to be
cold and indifferent toward the person.

  I find that trusting people motivates them to relax and open up their minds.

  Sometimes, due to a lack of personal care, devotees feel fearful and
threatened by others. They feel alone, as if stranded on a lost island.

                           SUB-GOAL B

   While making the effort to establish rapport with the person, I will also
begin to ask questions that help me get an overview of the person's situation:
his service, interests, association, family background, and so on. I want to
uncover the circumstances surrounding the person's unhappiness or misbehavior
so that I can understand both overt and covert causes of the difficulty. I
want to try to discover what branch of the cave of unconsciousness the person
has become lost in.

                           Techniques

   Through  appropriate and gentle questioning, I want to understand how he
sees other people, his service, his environment, and so on. I want to get a
picture of what he thinks about himself and his world.

  While in dialogue with the person, I avoid all distractions. I watch and
listen for the signals the person consciously or unconsciously transmits. I
also gain insights into the persons condition by seeing his face, motions and
mannerisms. I try to give my full attention to helping the person and set
aside all other concerns and interests for the moment. I want to forget about
all the other things that I have to do and just listen to the person.

  When I see something or understand something in the course of our dialogue,
I do not necessarily immediately comment upon or deal with it. Whatever clues
and signals are communicated directly or indirectly by the person, I mark and
store in the memory or write down. I often let a person place before me all
relevant points before I actually begin to attempt to directly help solve the
problem. Of course, I will ask questions if I sense that some stones have been
left unturned, but only when I'm sufficiently confident that sufficient
information has been communicated (one way or another) do I try to begin our
journey from darkness to light.

  If the person has been speaking for awhile and I feel our progress has
stalled, since I recognize that the person may feel the need to say certain
things, rather than trying to end his speaking abruptly, I let him finish a
train of thought and then try to redirect the conversation towards a subject
that I thought was more important.

                           Observations

   I divide the causes of difficulty into two; overt and covert. The overt
cause is external and triggers the difficulty. The covert cause, the real
problem, is internal and makes the person susceptible to problems.

  The covert problems, the various contaminations of the heart such as lust,
anger, pride, envy and greed, cover one's Krsna consciousness and cause
anxiety, frustration and bewilderment. Because one cannot see these things
clearly, he finds external causes for his problems.

  A person's interaction with ideas, circumstances, or other people in his
environment triggers the problem, whereas ones residual envy, pride, lust,
anger, greed and so forth make a person susceptible. I can give a simple
example. If a small child sees another child with a toy he likes but cannot
have he feels frustration and may begin crying. The external cause of his
problem is his contact with the other child with the toy. The internal cause
of his difficulty is probably a combination of his envy towards the child who
has the toy he wants and his lust to have the toy.

  Sometimes the person says something important (that he didn't expect to say
or consciously wanted to avoid saying) that springs up from his unconscious.
From this I also gain clues about the person's psychology. The more I can find
out about the person, the more I can help him to know himself.

  I find it easier to perceive more subtle things about a person's psychology
when I have his history. History gives depth to the more subtle things, and
thus motivations and desires in the unconscious become more clear.

  Sometimes a person thinks there are no solutions to his problem. He
considers himself a victim and becomes conditioned to that idea. He feels a
sense of complacency as a victim, because he can point to other factors or
persons that have placed him in the situation. This gives him an excuse to
avoid accepting responsibility for his problem and its solution. He becomes
trapped in his distress.

  I find that asking the proper questions and making a correct analysis
depends on tuning in to a persons consciousness. If I can tune in correctly,
and therefore empathize with that person's thinking and motivation, I can more
easily see the point at which the person has begun to create a troublesome
situation for himself. That point is usually actuated by the influence of one
of Maya's agents, such as lust, anger, pride, envy, greed, and so on.


                           SUB-GOAL C

  Not only do I want (personally) to discover the causes of the person's
difficulty, but, equally important, to help him, through his own thinking and
speaking on the subject, to also discover and understand them. I want to help
him understand his desires and his limitations clearly. Then he can decide if
such desires should better be given up because they cause too much trouble, or
whether and how they should be dovetailed in Krsna's service. I want also to
help the person to acknowledge that the difficulty he experiences has a
positive value; Krsna uses his karma to give him a spiritual education.

                           Techniques

  I give as much attention as my patience will allow in the effort to help the
person analyze his own problem. I try to ask questions that lead him toward
analysis of the problem. Instead of telling him what I perceive (which may
change as I understand more), I may indirectly suggest the same in the form of
a question. Or I may recount the relevant factors as I have understood them
and then ask him to analyze, to try to find the causes of the difficulty. At
other times I will analyze something out loud so that he can see how I would
do it.

  If the person becomes too frustrated, or if he just can't grasp the truth by
my indirect efforts, I will explain what I perceive and why I have come to
such conclusions.

  The root of dissatisfaction and suffering is unfulfilled desires. I want to
get at those desires through our discussion. If they do not become clear after
some time, I will directly ask the person what he wants.

  I want to bring the devotee to the point of realizing what lesson he must
learn through the problematic experience.

  If we cannot reach an understanding, I may suspend counseling while
continuing to give the person friendship.

                           Observations

  To have success in leading the person to find the conclusion himself usually
requires that the person be quite intelligent and ready to face his own
shortcomings.

  I want to lead the person to the conviction that his problem is linked to
his karma. This acceptance brings him a long way on the road to solve the
problem.

  Since Krsna applies the karma of the devotee in a special way, we cannot
consider it as ordinary karma.

  Krsna eliminates most of our accumulated karma. He gives us a token remnant
of our karma and applies it in such a way that helps us progress in spiritual
life.

  Three possible outcomes can occur: the person understands the problem and
it's cause (by his own reasoning) from indirect indications; he understands
through direct explanation; or he cannot understand.

                           QUALITIES AND CONCEPTS

  Ability to communicate: Among the qualities of a brahmana Krsna mentions
jnana and vijnana. Srila Prabhupada frequently translated these as knowledge
and practical application. I have understood that in teaching and counseling,
vijnana, or practical application, refers especially to the ability to
communicate the jnana, or knowledge that one has.

  Ability to listen: Without this no one should try to counsel anyone.

  Affectionate: I try to represent the affection that Krsna feels toward the
person.

  Broad-mindedness: I want the ability to see devotees first as devotees, and
to see whatever problems they have as superficial.

  I want to treat all devotees as friends and without duplicity.

  I want to trust that we can find in the person enough sincerity to overcome
his problems. I want to believe that the person wants to achieve pure
devotional service, even if temporarily he is externally bewildered or
distracted by material desires.

  I want to appreciate past service rendered and the potential for future
service.

  I would describe broad-minded devotees as those who, even while following
strictly and keeping a high standard without compromise, can appreciate
devotees in all situations, whether living in or outside the temple. They can
appreciate the good qualities in everyone and can encourage them and inspire
them in their devotional practices.

  Detachment: Although I want to always remain respectful toward the person, I
don't want to sentimentally accept his illusion that has created his
difficulty.

  Empathy: (dictionary definition) - identification with or vicarious
experiencing of the feelings or thoughts of another person.

  To empathize means to attempt successfully to experience and understand the
way another person experiences the world.

  Honesty: Although I find it valuable to compliment a person when he deserves
it, I do not want to falsely flatter him. Nor do I want to make false promises
or create false hopes about an unrealistic future. I will remain silent rather
than do so.

  Insecurity: All conditioned souls suffer from insecurity. Srila Prabhupada
has explained that of the four propensities of the conditioned souls (the
other three of which are eating, sleeping and mating), fearing (or insecurity)
is the most prominent. Insecurity arises due to a lack of confidence in one's
environment and one's ability to control or enjoy it. Naturally the
environment is beyond the control of the conditioned soul, but due to false
ego, one thinks he is supposed to control. Since the environment is totally
under the control of Krsna, if one has confidence in Krsna and Krsna's
goodness, one can feel secure in any situation. Therefore, real security is a
by-product of Krsna consciousness. According to how much one has taken shelter
of Krsna, one finds freedom from insecurity.

  A counselor must help the person overcome insecurity, even from the very
beginning of the relationship, because insecurity blocks a persons willingness
to reveal the mind and take advice. The first step for successful counseling
is to reduce insecurity to the point where the person has sufficient faith,
sraddha, to accept help.

  Intelligence (thinking): "Buddhi-yoga" means to engage one's intelligence in
the service of the Lord.

  Devotees sometimes think that "thinking" means speculation. We can call that
kind of thinking speculation.

  Krsna gives intelligence to all devotees.  Why should one devotee do all the
thinking for everyone else? If we just have blind followers in our society,
intelligent people will not join.

  Everyone must learn how to take intelligence from Krsna.  By doing so they
can develop "self-confidence" and "self-esteem".

  We should train devotees to think for themselves so that they become mature
and responsible. If one cannot think for oneself he remains always dependent
on others.

  A counselor must encourage devotees to analyze their problems themselves so
that the next time the problem arises they will know what to do.

  An intelligent person becomes reserved and perseverant (the opposite of
impulsive). To get off the impulsive mental platform we have to capture the
mind with the intelligence and keep it under control. When one is on the
spiritual platform one automatically controls the mind and senses through
engagement in devotional service. Until one comes to that platform one should
use the intelligence.

  Guru, sastra and sadhu provide us with spiritual intelligence. As one
advances he receives intelligence from within.

  Intelligence comes from guru, sadhu and sastra, and from clear thinking. The
guru, sastra and sadhu give us guiding principles of spiritual intelligence.
We should consult with them to understand how to apply Krsna consciousness in
our own circumstances.

  Krsna conscious thinking involves deductive reasoning. When one knows
something, one can then think about what he should do based on what he knows.

  When confronted with a problem, one should try to solve it by using the
intelligence Krsna gives. One can write down the pros and cons of the various
possible solutions. If one can't come to a conclusion, one should wait with
patience until certainty comes.  When one acts with certainty, confidence and
conviction come. When a person acts impulsively, on the mental platform, he
experiences uncertainty. In that state one becomes easily agitated, angry and
frustrated.

  After coming to a conclusion by considering the pros and cons of various
possible solutions to a problem, one should, when possible, consult with guru
and sadhu to get confirmation.

  Considering the pros and cons exercises the intelligence.  We cannot expect
that the right answer to a problem will just pop into our heads just as we
cannot expect to be able to play a violin perfectly the first time we pick it
up. Without practice one cannot expect to develop any ability. The acaryas
advise us to develop even our devotion through practice. Intelligence, also,
will develop through practice. At first we must use our analytical
intelligence (which comes from Krsna), and when we have more experience, our
intuitive intelligence, which comes (also from Krsna) by a more direct route,
will manifest more easily.

  I have experienced that when one helps another person to learn how to solve
his own problems by using the intelligence, that person develops feelings of
obedience, indebtedness, respect, reverence and affection.

  Mental platform: Lord Kapiladeva describes the functions of the mind as
sankalpa and vikalpa, which Srila Prabhupada has translated as accepting and
rejecting. The mind even has the ability to accept and reject the same thing
at the same time based on the thing's desirable and undesirable qualities.

When one doesn't know how to use intelligence in Krsna's service, one often
can't figure out whether to accept or reject something, and thus a confusing
battle goes on in the mind. The mind, without the guidance of good
intelligence, comes under the control of material desires and the sense
impulses. Lord Krsna explains that even one of the senses on which the mind
focuses carries away the intelligence.

  On the mental platform we experience the four defects of the conditioned
soul. Because of following our imperfect senses, we make mistakes. In
illusion, we cannot see our mistake, and when someone points out the mistake,
we deny it. That is cheating.

  Patience: To understand a suffering person's state of mind, and to guide him
from that painful position to one of enthusiasm for devotional service
requires a painstaking effort. I regard patience as one of the main qualities
that I want as a counselor.

  Pridelessness: One should give credit for all progress to guru and Krsna,
seeing oneself as an instrument.

  Respectful: If I cannot respect a person, then I have no business counseling
him.

  Points made in introductory class:

  1. different approach from last year
  2. explain organization of notes
  3. certainly not in final form (need someone to take notes)
  4. please give me suggestions
  5. my personal approach - different teaching methods according to different
     natures
  6. discussion for as many days as needed, then practice, then more
     discussion, etc.
  7. Why counseling? Many psychological problems (unexpected) self-realization
     - in most cases personal guidance required
  8. begin with definitions